I thought I think too much

Mungkin karena pekerjaan saya yg enggak umum, orang2 yg ketemu saya suka banyak yg nanya2 tentang keseharian saya. I don't mind, if I can let you borrow what I do, I would. Dari sekian banyak pertanyaan yg orang suka tanya, ada satu pertanyaan yg sering ditanyain.  "Jadi kamu bisa tau mana orang yg jahat?" First of all, definisi jahat menurut saya sangat subjektif. Akan sangat beda kalau yg nanya adalah perempuan yg baru diselingkuhin dan laki-laki yg baru dipermalukan oleh temannya di depan bos mereka. Dari pertanyaan yg sebenernya bisa dijawab cukup dengan "iya" atau "tidak" ternyata enggak cukup karena the term "jahat" sangat luas.  Second of all, mungkin karena saya terbiasa - atau mungkin membiasakan diri - melihat karakter orang through the bigger picture, bener-bener untuk menentukan seseorang baik atau jahat sangat susah. Ini buat saya pribadi lho.  Tapi here's an example.  Ada seorang karyawan, si A misalny...

I've always been fascinated by Mary Poppins since the first time I saw the movie, that was way back then.  I remembered thinking, when I watched the movie again in my teens, that every family needs a Mary Poppins. She/He doesn't have to be the parents of the child, because who are we kidding, no matter how old we get, a friendly reminder in a gentle voice saying what we need to swallow a bitter medicine or a painful break up is just a spoonful of sugar. Or maybe on Monday mornings, a cheery voice telling us to find the fun in our 9 to 5 routine will help it go by like a game. And today, I watched it again, I'm now way past my childhood phase, and my teenage years are long gone. But nothing has changed, I still think we all need a Mary Poppins in life. Especially this quote from Mary Poppins; We probably thought Fairyland is a magical place filled with candies, toys, and probably puppies. But as past-quarter-life me heard it again, I understood. ...

I've been fortunate enough To be surrounded by souls that are born with an itch. I've been blessed enough To have learned so much with souls that knows how it feels to be incomplete I have then... been shared enough to understand love and pushed enough to let things go. To let things fall slowly through my fingers... So slow that I can just grasp it back and hold it close again. But I have been taught... ...maybe not enough... at least not yet... But I have known that everything that falls, they will fall right into place. That things are the way it should be, at least for now... And I have always been taught to feel blessed enough that things are in their places... And maybe one day I'll wake up to feel just one thing missing... But I'll see that I am still and forever will be surrounded by souls that holds me close. Slowly... Grasping me tight on days where my shadows seems to haunt me and my darkness smiles at my fears. Because I have won. ...

Whenever someone tells me to imagine my happy place, I always close my eyes and smell the clean air of a night filled with stars... Not too hot, not too cold. Just enough for a handful of oxygen to breathe in and make love in my lungs. On top of a mountain, overlooking the city lights just a few miles away. Cause then I'll be alone...but not too alone. I'll be in solitude...but still surrounded by lives. I'll be just by myself...but still aware that I'm part of something else. Whenever someone tells me to listen to the sounds surrounding me, I always hear a faint radio in the background. The songs changes from time to time. Like right now..... ......it's Hey Jude. Not too loud, not also a whisper. Just enough to make things better. anytime you feel the pain, hey Jude refrain Don't carry the world upon your shoulders . Then I remembered, that I've tried to refrain. Just to hurt myself, To repair something I've stepped on Just to see ...

I like to think that we're all dreamers and realists at the same time. At least, I was. Or, I am. I like to think that the questions of life doesn't need to be answered so urgently. At least, maybe tomorrow. Or, never. Let it remain a mystery, let it remain a gap in the ever evolving minds of humankind. I like to think that wherever heaven lies, hell is just next door. At least, maybe a block away. Or, a few bus stop further. But make heaven fuller, so the screams and the pain of mankind that has lived by greed and hate are drowned by the laughter of children and the kisses of man and woman or man and man or woman and woman, all in love. I like to think about money, about having money, about the things you can buy. At least, maybe the things you can borrow. Or, the things you can change. To let the thing we need the most be the thing we share the most. I like to think that we're all safe. From wars and starvation, earthquakes and tsunamis, heartbreaks and...

Let me tell you this in advance.. the title above is from Lenny Kravitz's song, "It ain't over till it's over". And I'm going to tell you this in advance, when I die, please put that song on. Cos baby..it ain't over till it's over. Do anything to my body when I die... I don't care. Like an old broken down car, i'm the driver..and that piece of junk...well...u can just leave it there to rot, I don't care. Or burn it. Decapitate it. I really don't care what you do to me after I die. I'm far away and gone. I am probably floating around, waiting to live again, or just hanging around you...watching you as you sleep...and shower...and eat...................... BOO!!! HA! I dont really know where I'm going with this blog post. I'm not making fun of death or anything. Who in their right mind would ever make fun of death? I do sometimes though...to be honest. I try to look at it lightly, to get to know death. I'm weird that way. ...

I've seen way too much to be stuck in a mind that's filled with uncontrollable fears. The truth of the matter is, nothing is really controllable. Nothing is ever for certain. I've always been those that believes in my own capability. Like..fuck you, i'll be great on my own. But people change, things happen, happiness comes & goes. Truth is, and this is hard for me to even admit I was wrong...but i was wrong. Life is too big to be shared only with yourself . I'm not saying everyone needs to fall in love. You don't need a certain someone to be happy, cos happiness is a perception . Perception comes from no one else but your own mind. When I was little, people would ask me what I wanted to be. I never said I wanted to have money or be successful. I wanted to change perceptions. I wanted to change the way people look at life. So this is not a blog post. This is a reminder for myself. I swear I'll change your world. In some way we haven't found yet, but ...