I thought I think too much

 I think I won't be alone in saying that 2020 has been one crazy ride.  In all the craziness of it, I lost the thing I have always took pride in, my cheat sheet on how to balance everything.  The one thing I have over and over told most everyone is the key to my saneness in what I do for a living. I was that person who found the rhythm of life, able to sense a high tide around the corner, or the low tide waiting to hit me from the back. Life was under control, I knew what to do before things effected me mentally. I had my way of getting things back the way I like things to be, or feel. I know where things belonged, I knew the pattern of life, the pattern of people and the pattern of thoughts. Writing all that down, I see that I have been way too over confident in trying to figure out the impossible, trying to figure out the way the world turns before it does. And turns out I don't know shit. At the beginning of 2020, after a late night meditation I "heard" or "fe