The Truth of The Matter


Look,
I expect nothing much from this road that I have chosen.
I have always been one to be just okay with whatever is in front of me.
Or with whoever is beside me.
Or whatever they're doing around me.

Ok well, maybe that's a little lie.

Fine, that's a lot of lies.

I'm human.
I have expectations.
I have made peace with that.
I have made peace with how intricate my train of thoughts are.
I have navigated the little nooks and crannies of my imperfect logic.
I have grown to know and learned to love the many biases I came across.

Or so I thought.

I thought I have held my views and principles so close to my heart that it became who I am.
I thought that there is no way I would ever doubt what I feel or what I see.
Or that I would start to question if I'm being hopeful or naive.
If I'm being overly idealistic or it's the truth.

I guess, that's the core of the problem.

That I'm surrounded by too many truths.
And in the process I have started to lose sight of my own.

Of what my voice sounds like.
Of how my fears growls.
Of how my wants screams.
And of how much that all matters.

I have, in a bizarre plot twist, been drowning slowly by other's senses that it became my own.

That their truths started to become my views.
Their voice started to become my inner whispers.
Their fears materializing slowly as my own demons I face when I lay my head down to sleep.
And their wants,
Well...their wants becoming my everyday crossword puzzle.

The truth of the matter is...
And I have known this all along that one day this will become a problem.
That this burned out phase will happen and I'll be left feeling nothing.
Cause what I have been feeling are not my own.
It's theirs and I have lost mine.



I need to detach a little.


Cause I matter.
What I feel matter.

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