I thought I think too much

Look, I expect nothing much from this road that I have chosen. I have always been one to be just okay with whatever is in front of me. Or with whoever is beside me. Or whatever they're doing around me. Ok well, maybe that's a little lie. Fine, that's a lot of lies. I'm human. I have expectations. I have made peace with that. I have made peace with how intricate my train of thoughts are. I have navigated the little nooks and crannies of my imperfect logic. I have grown to know and learned to love the many biases I came across. Or so I thought. I thought I have held my views and principles so close to my heart that it became who I am. I thought that there is no way I would ever doubt what I feel or what I see. Or that I would start to question if I'm being hopeful or naive. If I'm being overly idealistic or it's the truth. I guess, that's the core of the problem. That I'm surrounded by too many truths. And in the process I h...

This is, In no way a contemplation Or a stage for me to share my revelation. But 2016 has been one hell of a ride. And if I can say one thing about it, 2016 has been liberating. It felt like somebody, or something, twisted my insides and pulled it out. I learned what it felt to be scared. That I haven't calculated or observed every little thing that will and can happen. I learned what it felt to have almost lost your mind. That I haven't quite found the key to letting go. Or at least, Letting it go completely. I learned I needed more time to process the world around me. That I have little patience when it comes to the people closest to me. Or at least, The little patience I had left for them was shattered by my own expectations. I learned how hard it was to continue to listen When all I want to do is to scream. To shake them awake. And point them towards the very obvious exit. I learned, and this is hard to admit.... I learned to completely observe. ...

You know, It would make your world so much easier If you can see what I see when I see you. Well, That was a lot of seeing. Heh.... It is, isn't it? But I have seen so much more in you than what you will ever see in yourself. In some tragic way, Maybe it's your cross to bear. That you see beauty in everyone around you but yourself. That you stood with your mouth open when you saw pieces of history in museums. But stood blind with how your history made you into a breathing art. How your strength is far beyond a zero to ten scale. How it molds and shapes into a qualitative paragraph... No... Essay. A qualitative essay of what it truly means to be strong. Cause it blends, and it changes. Like the waves we have seen, Your strength is an ocean. And how when you laugh, The walls around you for a second disappears. And I can tell you this, For just a second I saw what you have been hiding. And it was okay. It was just you. A more vulnerable and float...

I've always been the kind of person that likes to put myself outside of a circle It's easier to observe from there. The way people carry themselves looks far more different, cause you see how they hold on to their energy. Like how that lady isn't as excited as the woman she's talking to. And how the lady she's talking to is an open book. Humans are interesting in a way we might not know. We think we've found home in the interactions with others. Cause we're made to understand that we're a social being. That without others, there's no point in being. Like how that mother holding her baby, feels that she's carrying her world. Cause for now, that's what her baby is to her. Her world. Humans are a creature of meaning. We try to give meaning to everything around us. Then those meaning becomes our priorities. The more weight the meaning we give, the higher they are on our list. But then the more things we experience, The more...

Mungkin karena pekerjaan saya yg enggak umum, orang2 yg ketemu saya suka banyak yg nanya2 tentang keseharian saya. I don't mind, if I can let you borrow what I do, I would. Dari sekian banyak pertanyaan yg orang suka tanya, ada satu pertanyaan yg sering ditanyain.  "Jadi kamu bisa tau mana orang yg jahat?" First of all, definisi jahat menurut saya sangat subjektif. Akan sangat beda kalau yg nanya adalah perempuan yg baru diselingkuhin dan laki-laki yg baru dipermalukan oleh temannya di depan bos mereka. Dari pertanyaan yg sebenernya bisa dijawab cukup dengan "iya" atau "tidak" ternyata enggak cukup karena the term "jahat" sangat luas.  Second of all, mungkin karena saya terbiasa - atau mungkin membiasakan diri - melihat karakter orang through the bigger picture, bener-bener untuk menentukan seseorang baik atau jahat sangat susah. Ini buat saya pribadi lho.  Tapi here's an example.  Ada seorang karyawan, si A misalny...

I've always been fascinated by Mary Poppins since the first time I saw the movie, that was way back then.  I remembered thinking, when I watched the movie again in my teens, that every family needs a Mary Poppins. She/He doesn't have to be the parents of the child, because who are we kidding, no matter how old we get, a friendly reminder in a gentle voice saying what we need to swallow a bitter medicine or a painful break up is just a spoonful of sugar. Or maybe on Monday mornings, a cheery voice telling us to find the fun in our 9 to 5 routine will help it go by like a game. And today, I watched it again, I'm now way past my childhood phase, and my teenage years are long gone. But nothing has changed, I still think we all need a Mary Poppins in life. Especially this quote from Mary Poppins; We probably thought Fairyland is a magical place filled with candies, toys, and probably puppies. But as past-quarter-life me heard it again, I understood. ...

I've been fortunate enough To be surrounded by souls that are born with an itch. I've been blessed enough To have learned so much with souls that knows how it feels to be incomplete I have then... been shared enough to understand love and pushed enough to let things go. To let things fall slowly through my fingers... So slow that I can just grasp it back and hold it close again. But I have been taught... ...maybe not enough... at least not yet... But I have known that everything that falls, they will fall right into place. That things are the way it should be, at least for now... And I have always been taught to feel blessed enough that things are in their places... And maybe one day I'll wake up to feel just one thing missing... But I'll see that I am still and forever will be surrounded by souls that holds me close. Slowly... Grasping me tight on days where my shadows seems to haunt me and my darkness smiles at my fears. Because I have won. ...